In The Meantime

Inbetween being here and there I struggle to be anywhere mentally. Having purpose is the main drive for some, working hard to get a car, to have a nice house, to be living a comfortable life. But I sometimes struggle to see the logic. Let me put it like this. You trade the skills that your body possesses (after education and work experience and all that) just to put food on the table? How can that be your purpose? That's a very roundabout way of getting to your end goal. But there are some who do it for more, and some who do it for less. Who am I to judge? I just have an opinion and I share it. But you see, with me the drive isn't about all the fancy things and the lavish lifestyle; I just want to find what makes me happy and hopefully I'll be able to do all of that and still be able to put food on the table. Sounds like a dream, right? I would not hesitate if the opportunity came my way. But all this talk of opportunity and privilege and money makes my tongue curl up because I know deep down that I probably won't care about all that extra stuff that people want. I don't know. It's like there's a kind of power that money has over us. It's become so subconscious that we blame it on other things and use words like "need" to justify our excessive consumerist tendencies. But alas, this is our reality and we do need some form of money to get us from day to day. I have yet to decide what I want to spend the rest of my life doing to placate my inner consumerist, and that is the scary part because between now and then, I have to seriously think about every step that I make and how it's related to the next step I'll take and so on. It's a challenging thing to just be thrust into the world and be pressured - if not expected - to flourish. And many people have the mindset for it. I am afraid I may have to mull a bit linger over that one and see how I fare later on. In the meantime, I'll just write about my feelings because that's all I have for now.