Sir

I have plenty of questions for you sir, please lie down over here. Right, you seem to be in good shape. But just to start off, I just want to know where your heart is. So where is it sir? Please don't make me look for it under these sheets of tears... Are those even yours sir?... Let me pick them up off of the floor and drop them in the dustbin labelled "wasted emotion". . . There, all clean. But still, no heart. Could it be under your tongue sir? That little wiggly piece of pompous flesh... It tends to cut like a knife when you don't mean it to, sir. Could very well poke someone's dignity out... How about that? Is it under there sir?. . . Oh, no! It's all sticky and smelly and thick with lies. I highly recommend this toothpaste called honesty, sir, it could really do you some good! Before we go on, sir, do you have a name that I can call you by? I hope you don't mind, but saying sir can get quite tiresome after a while... Oh my!!  That's a wonderful name!. . . Although. . . I can't make all those sounds without sounding completely ridiculous. So I may just have to stick with sir before I embarrass myself. . . But back to business sir. Can you feel your heart beating? Yes? That's always a good sign that you're living. You're not? What makes you say that sir? ... Oh, I see. It must be hard sir. I could never even imagine that. My condolences... No, sorry. I'm not... I was just... Sir... I was merely attempting to be polite. Forgive me, sir... I shall be extra careful this time... Yes, yes of course... Is it where it usually is?... About there, in the chest, between the lungs. But how can you-... ah, yes. You did mention. This has me stumped. Well. I think we should search for everything else that's missing... Let's start with your mind. Where is your mind, sir?... Oh, I assure you I excel at feeling the presence of intangible entities... Oh, no. I don't, unfortunately... It never crossed my mind as something-... ah, yes. Sorry, I forgot you can't find yours... I'm forever being insensitive. Sorry, sir... Is your mind in your brain sir? Somewhere in the folds of mushy gray matter? No? I can't seem to find it... Yes sir, I'm quite certain. No, you are not going mad *it's too late for that*... What? No! I'd never! Sir, I-... I understand sir. Take your time. . . . Very good sir. Will that be all sir? ... I know we didn't find anything, but that shouldn't stop you from going out and trying... Hard? Yes, yes of course sir... I could never even imagine-... They said what?... Insensitive...*gasp*... No... They did what?... Why?... *sigh*... I'm, I'm so sorry sir. I didn't know that-... Yes, but I've-... No... No... I don't, sir... I can't... I... I... I... *sob*... Never... Thank you, sir... But, sir? How did you manage to-... I see... I see... Shall we book an appointment for this time next week?... -schedule, yes... Very good, sir... Thank you for coming, again, sir.  You are always welcome here... Always . . . Welcome. . . Here. . ..